An Unexpected Co-Host

Last night I had the unexpected pleasure of co-hosting the Change My Behavior Blog Talk Radio Show (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lybogan) with Minister Lorraine Y. Bogan. I recently joined Blog Talk Radio and was surfing the Christian shows currently on-air and came across Minister Bogan's show "Let's Talk About It." I found the call-in number and dialed in. I assumed I'd just be a passive listener, but right after the Blog Talk Radio intro I heard, "Caller, are you with us? What's your opinion on this topic?" I remained silent because I just KNEW she wasn't talking to me. Sure enough she repeated her question, and our dialogue began. We had a good 25 minute Q&A session that is currently posted to the web site.

I don't know how many listeners will hear that show, but it does feel good to be part of something that could be a blessing to others. This has given me the inspiration to move forward with my own Blog Talk Radio show (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/livinglifeonpurpose1), but I'll need your help! The radio show will follow the format of the blog: taking topics I've posted about previously and talking about them on air. For example, the first show will be about hearing God's calling on your life, remembering that time when God's purpose became clear, and what happened next. Ideally I'll have guests that are dealing with those issues. That's where you come in. I need guests! If you are interested in being on the show for any topic or have a show topic suggestion of your own, please email me at livingonpurpose1@gmail.com.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Why Not Start Now?

Like many, I wait in anticipation of the coming year. It always feels like a new beginning and a fresh start. The attitude of regret for not completing goals in 2009 turns into excitement of all I'll accomplish in 2010. With the new year only days away, I want to encourage you to start now. Yes, this is a time of reflection, but instead of focusing on all you didn't do, focus on the actions you can take now to move closer to your purpose. Who said you had to wait until January 1st? For months I've been saying, "Next year I'm going to..." or "When January hits, I'm really going to..." You have probably been saying those same things, but how about replacing those future phrases with some "right now" sayings, such as, "Today I'm going to contact..." or "As soon as I'm done reading this blog post I'll..." 2010 could very well be the best year of your life (I know I'm expecting miracles), but you have to plant the seeds now. I'm sure there are several things that can either be added to or crossed off your to-do list today. Maybe catching up on this blog was one of them. :-)

In 2009, my biggest breakthrough was hearing God's voice again as He gave me clarity of purpose. If you've been following my journey, you know that purpose has to do with re-establishing myself as a full-time business owner and blessing others through that business. My challenge in 2009 was taking action once God confirmed my purpose and trusting Him fully. It's definitely a mindshift to go from thinking a job or person is your ultimate provider to realizing that God takes care of ALL needs. That doesn't mean I never worry, but I'm quicker at recognizing His blessings (financial and otherwise).

To move forward with my goal I've made a point to reconnect with some old business contacts and put myself and my services out there more. Today that meant sending off information about advertising, contacting a business coach and making sure I stay on top of recent project inquiries. For you, this may look like prepping for an upcoming interview or pulling out an old exercise tape (yes, I said tape...some of us still have VCRs).
:-) It may even be opening your journal back up and writing another few lines of your bestselling book. For those who feel their purpose is in corporate America, it may mean sending out holiday greetings to your multifunctional team or doing an outline for a project that formally kicks off in January.

There are only a few more days before 2009 ends. What are you going to do?

Hey, Who Moved My Cape?

I used to feel like such a powerful woman. Though I did not enjoy obstacles, I found a way to conquer them…even those that appeared impossible. It got to the point where one friend nicknamed me “Superwoman.” Sometimes I look back on my life and marvel at how far I’ve come. I know others have faced far greater difficulties than me, but I’ve still done a lot. Here are a few examples where my faith, my family and my Superwoman cape got me through:

• Graduating college - When I got pregnant with my first child right before freshman year, all I could think about was how I’d have to skip college. Yes, I was concerned about the health of my baby, but I wondered if my life would be over before it really started. At that moment, I decided to continue the pursuit of my college dreams. With determination and MUCH help from the family, I was able to graduate on time (4 years) and with honors. I was excited to see my preschooler clapping for me in the audience at graduation.
  
  
• Buying a home before age 30 - Ready to hit the post-college world, I took what I thought would be a well-paying job. It wasn’t. This is where my Superwoman tendencies got me into trouble. Instead of asking for help when my less than stellar paychecks weren’t enough to cover the bills, I used credit instead. Bad move. I look back now and realize how much I could have avoided if I’d just demanded fair pay at work or even told my family that I needed a personal bailout plan. Needless to say, my creditors didn’t care either way and promptly put negative remarks on my credit report. I got diligent about my finances, even moving back home for a time. Years later when I relocated for a different job, I just KNEW I was going to have to get an apartment in a bad neighborhood. Imagine my surprise when my diligence paid off, and I was approved for a home loan in a neighborhood where most don’t even lock their doors at night. Thanks trusty cape!
  
  
• Starting a business – I’ve always had a passion for entrepreneurship. That not-so-great after college job reminded me of that, and I left because many of my talents weren’t being utilized, the pay was not enough, and I knew I had the potential to do more. I channeled that into starting my own small business. I did not have much money, but I did have enough to pay for a web site, phone line and paper to print my own business cards. I promoted as many free places as I could, but business was slow. After 6 months with few clients, I was thisclose to giving up. Something told me to stick it out (God I’m sure), and within a week I had a steady stream of paying clients. I identified a lot with the “You’re Closer Than You Think” notion here.

Those were more businesslike examples, but I thank God for helping me get through the personal issues as well, such as the death of my mom and the non-relationship I have with my biological father. Please don’t read this and think I’m impenetrable or even lack humility. I’ve cried more times than I care to count, and I rarely brag on my accomplishments. I know I would’ve gotten nowhere without God’s favor in my life and the support of my family and friends. It’s just that back then I had a different perspective on life. What others saw as impossibilities, I saw as challenges to overcome. When a person would look at my situation and go, “I don’t think that’s going to happen: you have a young child, bad credit, no money, so-so grad school test scores, etc.” I’d think, “Ok, but why can’t I at least try to accomplish this? If it doesn’t work, then at least I did my best. God hasn’t left me, so I’m sure He won’t let me fall now.” The person would give me a crazy look but then be right there me with celebrating when the challenge was overcome. Superwoman saved the day again.

Then a shift happened. It started with me pursuing a full-time job again after grad school. For some reason, I thought it would be an easy transition to go from owning my time as a business owner to letting someone else own my time as an employee. Being new, I also failed to notice that it was more about “fit” and some level of conformity than individuality, and I’ve always followed my own path. As you can imagine, the challenges began. I tried my usual, “Ok obstacle. I see you, but I can do this” approach…and it didn’t work. Hold on…it didn’t work? “This must be a mistake,” I thought, “Let me try again.” Still, nothing happened. It was like a super villain added kryptonite to the secret compartment in my lunch box. I think that super villain must’ve slipped some kryptonite in my chimney at home because it got shaky there, too. The obstacles kept coming, and I felt like I was tripping over them left and right. Talk about getting knocked down a peg. Slowly, I let the challenges take away my drive, my passion and my hope for better outcomes. Superwoman hung up her cape in the closet and shut the door. Soon everything seemed like a challenge: getting up in the morning, helping with homework, going to the gym and being excited for the next pre-meeting at work to prepare for the pre-meeting before the real meeting the week after.

What happened to me? Where did I go? How could I have accomplished SO much and still feel like such a failure? I think I see now…each seemingly insurmountable challenge made me turn more and more away from God. Yes, I was still going to church and praying, but I made those challenges my god. I thought about them every single day and even framed my prayers around getting over them vs. just asking God that His will be done. Each day that I operated like this, I gave away a little more of my power until the “S” on my chest was barely visible. I went from “Why won’t I be able to accomplish this task?” to “You’re right, I guess I can’t do that. Maybe I’m not that girl anymore.”

After living this way for more than a year, I’m tired. I almost have to laugh when I get scared to do something because often it’s something I’ve done before, like start or rebuild a business. I’m almost ready to grab my cape out of the closet and fly off the roof into the world of the unknown. I say almost because it feels like a chain of conformity is tied to my ankle trying to keep me “grounded.” It’s tethered to a chain of insecurities like, “What if I don’t make enough money? What if I lose the house? What if I don’t make it?!” But what if I do? Tax refund season is coming, and I’m typically blessed with a refund. My family is willing to help. I have old clients who raved about my good work. I have friends. I have networks. I have God. Hmm…the cape is just sitting there in the closet, the window is open and it is a beautiful night. Maybe Superwoman can fly again. I think she’ll have to.

What I Know for Sure

I'll admit it - I'm a fan of "O" Magazine. I'm been subscribing since a relative gave it to me as agift a few years ago.  I'd like to take a page from Oprah and talk about "What I Know for Sure."  As I've been on this path to living God's purpose for me, I've come to realize a couple truths that I can't run from:

1. I am not meant to work for someone else long-term, and
2. I am only hurting myself by limiting my prayers or waiting on other people to make a way for me

I've gotten into "trouble" too many times because of these issues.  In terms of being an employee, I think I took for granted the freedom of entrepreneurship until I started working for someone else.  This happened in both Corporate America and when working for other small businesses as an employee.  I'm fine for awhile when working for those who care to understand and who let me use my own work style to get results.  Otherwise, there are problems when my "self-aware" self has trouble conforming.  So what am I doing about this? Remember the earlier "Do Something" post.  Now that I have accepted this truth about myself, I am being more diligent about promoting myself, my skills and my talents to others.  God gave me these gifts to be a blessing to others, and I don't want to waste that opportunity.  I also feel like He didn't place these desires in my heart for nothing.  If I continue to stay in the faith, He will open doors for me. 

I've only come to realize the 2nd truth in the past couple weeks after re-reading some of my journal posts.  I would place limits on what I wanted God to do for me rather than letting God bless me how he saw fit.  For example, over the past year I asked God to let people at my current job like me more/see my value to the team/appreciate my style instead of simply asking for career breakthrough (even if it lead me to a new industry).  In relationships I remember asking God to fix my current situation vs. asking His will be done (even if it lead me to new friendships).  This has to change because I don't want to limit God's blessings in my life.  Maybe He wants to move me into a better job or entrepreneurship vs. being an employee.  How can He enlarge my territory if I've already pre-defined it in my prayers? It makes NO sense. 

The second half of the 2nd truth is also something I've done too much of lately - wait on other people.  This could be literally running late because my family or a friend is moving like molasses.  It could also mean me waiting until "the perfect time" before scheduling a vacation or going out to eat or finding a cleaning lady or quitting a job or whatever.  I'm tired of waiting on others, especially when God has given me the means to make the next move.  On the work side, I realize I should've made an exit plan a long time ago, but I waited to see if others were going to take care of me as they said.  Personally, I've waited on family and friends to do a lot of things.  It happens with the kids, too.  Heck, I just need to go.  :-)  It also speaks to how I tend to put others' needs before my own.  I don't want to turn into a selfish person, but I can't be someone who never takes care of her own needs.  I can't be a blessing to others if I'm burned out.

So what do you know for sure?  Are there things about yourself you've tried to ignore but keep coming back?  Maybe you're a natural salesman, have a green thumb or can get even the most rebellious teenager to listen to you.  Share those truths in the comment section.  We can learn from each other.

You Are Closer Than You Think

In the bookstore on Saturday, I was thumbing through Joel Osteen's book, "It's Your Time: Activate Your Faith, Achieve Your Dreams, and Increase in God's Favor." An important phrase he repeats in the first chapter is "you are closer than you think."  He uses a story of him hiking up a mountain.  A sign at the bottom told Joel that it would take him 3 hours to reach the top.  After 45 minutes of a tough climb, he sat down, discouraged and ready to give up.  Just then an older man came down the mountain, looked at him and said, "You are closer than you think."  This phrase inspired something in Joel and he got up to continue his climb. Surprisingly, he reached the top of the mountain about 10 minutes later.  There he was thinking he had at least another 2 hours of climbing to do when he was only 10 minutes away.  What if the man hadn't been coming down the mountain or encouraged Joel to keep trying?  He may have given up never realizing that victory was just a few short steps away.

How many times have we done that in our lives?  Think about the sign at the bottom of the mountain - 3 hours to the top.  We see signs like that everyday - 4 years to a college degree, most businesses fail after 1 year, it takes more than 1 try to give up smoking cigarettes - and the list goes on.  Instead of being bound by those signs and timelines, look to "kairos" or God's time.  He may want your business to thrive for 30+ years or put you in an accelerated degree program or even give you the tools necessary to quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey.  However, if you give up before it's time, you'll never reap those rewards.

Now I realize how easy that seems when things are going well.  If you're on day 364 of successfully running your business, I'm sure you'll trust and believe that God will help you last through the next year.  It's important to praise God in those times, but it's also important to trust when you're unsure of what tomorrow will bring.  When you're on day 1 of opening your business without a customer in sight or day 364 of your job search and are going on yet another interview.  Personally, think of the moments where you've prayed for breakthrough month after month.  It's closer than you think:

- financial freedom
- good health
- new job
- small business success
- good relationship with your children
- the end of your addiction
- peace

What have you been praying for?  What desire has God placed on your heart that you're ready to give up on?  Keep the faith.  Remember you are closer than you think!

Do Something!

I have been so frustrated lately.  Between day job stress, neverending family commitments and lack of "me" time, my mood has not been very positive.  It's been easy for me to channel the restlessness and frustration into complaint.  After a straight week of this, I realize it's getting me nowhere except even more restless and more frustrated.  I need to re-read my blog and take my own advice.  :-)  The best way to fix a negative situation is to actively look for ways to change it. The same is true for you. Yes, God is in the miracle business, but it's hard for a miracle to find you when you're not setting yourself up to receive it.  How are you going to find the mate God has for you if you sit at home every night complaining about being single?  How are you going to find that new, better job if your resume hasn't been updated since 1994?  How will the world discover your talent for singing if you won't even commit to doing a solo in the church choir?

Today, I ask you to do something.  Take at least one small step toward changing your situation.  It can be as simple as putting down that donut, making a phone call, crossing something off your to-do list or saying a prayer.  My one small step is to get out of the house for a minute to get my mind off of the craziness of the day job.  My resume has also officially been updated. 

Your turn. What are you going to do?

I'm Scared - For the Grown Folks

Hello blog family.  It's been awhile since I posted.  We will pick up with Day 8 of "The Purpose Driven Life" soon, but I felt compelled to write an addendum to the "I'm Scared" post written earlier in this blog.  I wrote about how it was my choice as a college student to leave a job that didn't utilize my skills and talents and only afforded me a paycheck.  As someone who is still working her corporate day job but completely unhappy and ready to go, I sit here and wonder why I didn't take my own advice and just leave.  Well...here's what I discovered...

Life has changed dramatically since I left my post as copy girl.  I am a homeowner with a mortgage.  I have children who enjoy eating and wearing clothes (though with the youngest the clothes are debateable). I have vehicles with monthly car notes due.  Because we like electricity, water, and the garbage not collecting in a heap inside the garage, those bills must be paid, too.  I, like many of you, have become a victim of stuff.  Stuff can get in the way when you least expect it. Why do we hold onto jobs we no longer enjoy?  Why do we drive 25 miles one way only to wish we were back in our beds?  Why do we neglect our children for 3 hours to finish that last email or phone call only to find them asleep when we tear ourselves away from the computer?  Most times it's not because we love it or enjoy giving the best hours of our day to a job that someone else owns.  No, it's because we want to keep our stuff.  What we need to remember, what I need to remember, is that God always provides - “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow...." Matthew 6:31-34 NIV

We can become so trapped by things that we forget to seek God and His guidance. Instead, we try to make things happen by ourselves.  We go back to the "Yes, God, I could leave this job, but since I've got all this stuff to pay for I think I'll stick it out," or, "I know you just blessed me with 10 client leads, but I don't know if they will pay on time.  I think I'll pass those on to someone else who has the time to chase them."  Well, my friends, that is not the way to go - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

The two verses mentioned above are what I'm using to step out on faith and change my situation.  My life is very different than 10+ years ago when I left my post as copy girl and even 5+ years ago when I was living in my family's house starting my technology business.  I acknowledge that I have gotten caught up in accumulating a bunch of stuff and therefore limited some of my mobility. However, I know that if I trust God, He will open doors that I never imagined would open.  It's true for you, too.  This does not mean giving up the purpose God placed on your heart.  No, it means that you need to create a viable plan to achieve it.  For me, that means changing my current work situation so that I can be in an environment conducive to working on my business when I get home and on the weekends.  Right now thoughts of my current job take up so many of my thoughts that I need to just let it go.  Rather than just complain, I have actually put applications in at several local companies.  Pray for me ya'll.  If it's for me, then God will open that door.  I do still have strong entrepreneurial desires and a better day job will enable me to put those pieces together quicker.  The economy is crazy right now, and jobs seem to be scarce.  However, I have to trust God, stop worrying and step out on faith.  He's never let me down yet...especially when it really mattered.

So...in the midst of all your grown folks stuff - house, car, kids, gym memberships, shopping habits, etc. - are you willing to modify your plans enough to make way for God's purpose?  Remember, it may not mean leaving your job, relationship, hometown, school, etc. tomorrow, but it does mean trusting God and taking tiny steps toward your purpose.  That's how grown folks make it happen.  :-)

Day 7: The Reason for Everything

Today's passage concludes the first week of moving toward God's purpose for our lives. It reminds us that everything is for God's glory and should be treated as such.  From waking up in the morning to the sun setting at night, it's all for Him.  As mentioned in previous posts, it seems so easy to see God in the big or happy things - winning the lottery, getting a promotion, finding the love of your life.  It's not so easy when you're faced with struggle or just living the day-to-day drama that life can be.  For example, I know it's hard to see the glory of God when someone is doing me wrong. 

Today's question asks us to think about where we can become more aware of God's glory in our daily routine.  The place that comes to mind for me is in my children's chatter right after I come home from work.  I am an only child and though I can be outgoing, I crave quiet, especially in the transition times.  Most days, rather than getting 5 or 10 minutes to come in the house, lay down my things and relax, I'm inundated with the dog jumping and the kids' non-stop talking.  Most days I appreciate it, but other times I just want my peace and quiet.  Instead of thinking that way, I can see how blessed I am to not only have children but to have children who want me to be an active part of their lives. 

How has God's glory manifested itself in your life, and how can you be more aware?

Day 6: Life is a Temporary Assignment

We've touched on the topic of Day 6 in previous chapters, but it really comes to life here.  The key verse is, "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV).  It reminds us that this life is not the end of the road.  Instead, God has something much better in heaven. 

This verse looks so simple when written down (like the common sense it is), but feels so hard in practice.  That's why this day's question asks us to think about how we should change the way we're living since we know that life on earth is a temporary assignment.  For me, I can reuse an answer from a previous day's question - I can stop putting so much stock into what others think about me.  It is a dangerous road to travel and can lead you far away from God's purpose.  In my case, it was like "keeping up with the Jones'" but not in the material weath sense.  I didn't care if my neighbors had a new car, but I would take notice if I was left off a meeting invite at work.  I would be happy if a friend got a cute new outfit (even if I hadn't been shopping in months), but I'd even wonder what other drivers thought as they passed me on the highway (maybe they thought I was too slow or couldn't drive).  These are things that in the grand scheme of life do not matter one bit.  Yet, I would think about them.  Keeping the Christian lens focused on heaven should tell me to ignore these wordly situations, focus on the God, focus on heaven, and keep it moving.

What about you?  How are you going to change your perspective?

Day 5: Seeing Life through God's View

We're almost a week into our journey to purpose, using "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren as a guide.  I hope you've been learning some new things about yourself and are growing closer to God.

Day 5 introduces the idea that life is both a test and a trust.  We are continually tested from the way the we react to a friend who just lost his job to the way you treat the waitress who still hasn't brought you the Diet Coke you asked for 10 minutes ago.  As Christians, it's up to us guard our reactions when life gets tough.  It's in these moments that God teaches us about ourselves and opens us up to receive even more of His blessings. 

God's entrusts us with many things during our earthly life - relationships, children, houses, clothes, money, etc.  We are called to be good stewards over these things, but that doesn't always happen.  Have there been times when you yelled at someone over something small just because YOU were having bad day or spent your last $75 on a cute pair of shoes knowing you should've used part of it for gas money instead?  God gave us things so that we could take care of them and perhaps use them to help Him blessing another person...not to be mistreated, hoarded, or used irresponsibly.

Today's question asks you to consider two things:
1. What's recently happened in your life that you now realize was a test from God?
2. What are the greatest matters God entrusted to you?

I can name a couple of situations in my life that feel like tests from God.  One is definitely my struggle in corporate America.  I realize that if I hadn't gone through that situation and really listened to God's voice, I would not be working toward my purpose at all.  In fact, this blog wouldn't exist either.  :-)  A few people have read that story and expressed how much it helped them take a look at their lives and their next moves.  It's amazing to hear how God turned tragedy into good.  Another situation is driving.  I'm usually a very patient person.  I try my best not to give in to road rage, but it's hard not to get annoyed when there are 20 minute construction delays, people cutting you off on the highway only to slow to 50mph once they get in front of you, or red lights stopping you almost every block.  In those instances, I try really hard to be patient and to thank God for whatever He's helping me avoid by putting these roadblocks in my way.  I've seen more than a handful of accidents on my direct route and wonder if it would've been me had I not gotten stopped by 3 red lights in a row or if my children didn't have to give me one more hug even though I was running late to work.  It can be difficult, but I try to be grateful for the tests I recognize...even if it means letting that car pass me rather than speeding up and blocking them in.  :-)

With the second question, the first thing that comes to my mind are my children.  God has given me a great responsibility to teach them and mold them so that they are believers in Jesus.  With so many outside influences in the world, that is a huge task, and I feel blessed that God chose me to do it.  I've also been blessed by some material things.  I was just complaining earlier today as I cleaned up a room that seems to magically reappear as dirty within 24 hours.  There were so many other things I'd rather do than clean, but then I realized how great it is to even have a house.  With so many families losing their homes or with the economy making it hard for some people to buy a home, I'm grateful to have a dirty room of my own to clean.  I do, however, think it's almost time to be a blessing to someone else by offering them a job as a maid a couple times a month.

Day 4: Made to Last Forever

In "Made to Last Forever," Warren reminds us that we've only been put on this Earth for a short time.  This world is supposed to be used as preparation for the next and isn't the end.  I've been guilty of getting so caught up in the day-to-day drama of life and forgetting that our time on earth is temporary.  When you look at life through that lens, it helps you focus on what's really important and ignore the rest.

Today's question asks you to think about what you'd do differently now that you remember life on this Earth is temporary. Hmmm...

One thing I'll stop:
- Being so concerned about what others think of me.  I was put on this Earth to please God and live for Him.  Trusting that God has a plan for me even in the roughest times should be enough to calm any fears or negative thoughts.

One thing I'll start:
- Slowing down.  There's always so much to do that I often find myself running all day.  I go from work to home to family activities and then do it all over again.  That leaves little time to sit, think, pray, or relax.  Even when I would make time for those things, I'd be multi-tasking.  By remembering that things here are temporary, I can slow down and focus on what's truly important.  One thing at a time (or two...and only if I have to) is enough.

Are there any things in your life that need to start or stop? Please share.

It's Your Choice

I remember the first time I took a job just for the money.  I was a sophomore in college and thought I'd hit the jackpot - one of the highest work study jobs at the time - $11/hour!  What great role did I play on the team?  What kind of problem was I solving for this type of money?  Well...I was the official "copy girl!"  Yes, my entire job consisted of copying reports, collating them and putting them into a bin for distribution.  This was clearly in the days before emailing documents became popular.  :-)

For the 1st month, my job was good.  I'd stand or sit at the copier for 10+ hours/week, make my reports, chat to my coworkers and collect my paycheck.  After 40 hours, at least 10 copier breakdowns and more papercuts than I care to remember, I couldn't take it anymore.  I was a college student with strategic thinking skills, computer know how and a host of other talents...but no one cared.  I remember thinking I'd made a breakthrough when I showed a coworker how to fix his computer.  I surely thought someone would recognize my other talents and ask me to be more than the girl who stood by the copier all week...but no...that never happened.  People went "Wow! I didn't know you could fix computers! Did you finish copying those reports yet?"  :-|

That was the day I decided my happiness was worth more than $11/hour.  Luckily, leaving wasn't difficult.  Being a college student, I had the excuse of "my class schedule changed, so I can't work here anymore."  It was a common line, and there was always another student eager for the $11/hour paycheck.

I realize that things aren't so easy as an adult.  There is no changing class schedule excuse that can be used to end most full-time jobs.  So what do you do when you find yourself in a job situation where the only motivation is the paycheck?  How do you keep going when your management team doesn't appreciate you?  What gets you up in the morning when your daily tasks become boring?  What happens when you feel stuck.  After all, there's no finite time limit.

In those moments, you need to remember that you always have a choice.  If you've got a history with the team, coworkers you love, and even the slightest hint of company loyalty, it will be difficult to leave.  However, is a paycheck worth your sanity and self-worth?  Pray over your situation and ask God to lead you in the right direction.  Remember...it's your choice.

Day Three: What Drives Your Life?

Today's Purpose Driven Life lesson is around the driving force or forces in your life. Specifically, what is driving your life today and what you like it be in the future.  For the longest time, the driving force in my life was approval.  I still struggle with that on a regular basis and have to journal myself calm or talk to a trusted friend who can snap me back into reality.  I'd like the driving force in my life to be God's purpose.  I've decided to wake up every morning thanking God for staying with me and asking Him to use me as He sees fit.  There are many times that He is working in the background to give me an opportunity for a better life or even placing me in someone's path to be a blessing.  However, I'll never get that if I allow the devil to steal my joy or make me concerned with pleasing people vs. God.

Rick Warren had a few lines under Day 3 that addressed this - "It is impossible to do everything people want you to do. You have just enough time to do God's will.  If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do."  I've had days like that, very recently, where I couldn't get anything done that I thought was important for the day.  Everytime I started, there'd be a distraction or the hardware wouldn't work or I'd get sick or something.  However, nothing negative happened when I did what God wanted - reading a book or the Bible (which brings me closer to Him), spending time with the children, working on my business, blogging here.  In fact, I was able to focus more on the "worldly work" related to my day job and get it done quicker once I let God have his way first. Things that normally would take 5 hours only took 1.5 hours.  I love simplicity God brings, and I need more of that in my life.  Instead of trying to be all things to all people, I will live each day asking God to direct my path and use me how He sees fit. When I've done that in the past, things just worked out...things that I thought were impossible became possible.

I am ready to change my driving force.  Is there something you need to change, start or stop?  Let God be the miracle worker that He is.  Even if you can't change it, He can.

I'm Scared

For the past couple of weeks, it feels like God has strengthened the desire in me to start my own business. It's to the point where roadblocks go up when I try to work on my day job - yesterday's computer issues are a good example. Rather than leave and run to the nearest "work from home" connection, I did some personal development work. My head is unfocused on the day job than I imagined.

It scares me because I know that starting and running a business again will take a a lot of time, effort and money. I also know that my day job is making me unhappy. However, what I don't know is when to make that leap of faith. I first thought I heard "one year" as the time frame, but now January seems more likely - new year and new business. That's how I started over 5 years ago.

I've found myself going through what I call the "Yes, but" syndrome. Instead of pressing forward, there are excuses like -

"Yes, I could quit tomorrow, but then what about the house, car and utilities? What about money?" or "Yes, but what if I get no clients and have to take a lower paying job in the interim...and can't find one?" or even, "Yes, but I don't have a new computer or the right software or am scared to market my business while I still have my day job." These are all valid concerns, but they are excuses. God ALWAYS provides, especially when you are following His will for your life. He will open doors and windows that you didn't even know existed. You have to step out on faith.

The fact that I'm scared is almost funny to me as I'm not new to starting a business on a shoestring budget. My 1st full-time business was started in my family's house with the computer software I owned at the time. I couldn't afford a formal business telephone line, so I invested less than $20 a month on voicemail. All business cards and logos were created by me, and I spent hours perfecting my web site. Still...I didn't get my first client until 6 months after I'd officially opened my doors. From that day forward, inquiries came on a regular basis, and the work was steady. I stepped out on faith, and God made it happen.

Still...it's hard. I've been meditating on this verse lately - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to remember what God has given us...and it's not fear. Stepping out on faith is important. I know my purpose and the desires that He placed on my heart. I need to trust that God has my back like He always does. Even if I'm not ready to hand in my resignation letter on Monday, I can make steps this weekend and everyday to making full-time entrepreneurship a reality.

So...I'm scared, but I won't let that paralyze me. I'm scared, but I won't let that hold me back from hearing God's voice. I'm scared, but I will take little steps towards my purpose until God tells me it's time to take a big one.

So what are you scared of? What do you need to trust God for? What goals do you have that only God's miracles can make happen? Don't let fear keep you from your purpose.

Day 2: You Are Not an Accident

Day 2 of The Purpose Driven Life talks about how we're not an accident. God created us and had plans for us before we were even born. How amazing is that! Still, at times we struggle with who God made us to be. I know I've struggled with some things. Perfectionism is something I spoke about earlier in the blog, and I've also struggled with my personal appearance. I've been trying to lose weight for years and have often started a program and stopped in the middle. Rather than feeling bad about who I am, I can instead accept it. Yes, there are some things I'd like to change, but how about praying and letting go rather than stressing out?

God made you, too. What are some things you're struggling to accept in your own life?

It's Been One of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks or months when nothing seemed to be going right? I feel like I've been going through "the crazy" for almost the entire month of September. From being sick on/off for weeks to the children running through the house like they have no manners to my computer crashing right before a deadline, it has been difficult. I've been going from, "How am I EVER going to get this done?" panic to "Calm down, God's got you" relief in a matter of hours. This is not a good way to live.

In the midst of life's woes, I have to remember that God is always in control. Anything that appears insurmountable to me is nothing when compared to God's strength, "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" (Jeremiah 32:27 NIV)

Today I'm going to focus on that scripture and stop stressing out. Can you do the same? Look at what you thought was negative and focus on how you can turn it around for God's good. I'll take my day today and try to reframe:

- I'm still sick - God has a great purpose for me that I can't achieve unless I'm healthy. He is giving me this time to rest and recuperate, not to keep working.

- Deadlines are looming, and my computer is acting up - Like before, maybe it's time to turn off the computer and relax. Spend time with the family, and focus on work once I've calmed down.

- The kids are driving me crazy - Be grateful for the little ones in my life. There are so many men and women who pray for healthy children and don't have them. I give God thanks for my little speed demons, even when they tear through the house knocking down everything in their path.

Ok...I feel better. I think I'll head home soon to follow my own advice. What about you?

The Purpose Driven Life Journey

As part of the journey to get back to my purpose, I am going to pick up a book that I've started and stopped at least a 2 or 3 times - Pastor Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life." This book takes you on a 40 day journey to discovering your purpose. To keep me accountable, I will journal my thoughts on the chapters here. Feel free to pick up the book and post about your journey as well.

Day 1: It All Starts with God
There's a very good quote on page 19, "...being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue! You could reach all your personal goals...and still miss the purposes for which God created you." This struck home for me because I struggled for a good year over why I was unhappy when I had so many things - house, car, job, etc. Though I was successful by the world's standards, it did not feel like enough. Now I see why.

In this chaotic world of "me! me! me!" I can remind myself that life is really about living for God and not myself by paying attention to God's voice all around me. Rather than listen to what I want and what other people want for me, I can instead strive to do what He wants. I feel like I get this message now, but if you asked me a year ago...

So...God has a purpose for us, and that's very encouraging. I'm excited to continue on this path to fully embracing all He has for me.

The Process to Purpose

It's been at least a month since I first wrote about rediscovering God's purpose for my life. You can tell from my post that I was excited to start living in it, but I didn't do that right away. Despite this big revelation from God, I was still stuck in feeling bad about my work situation and even how some things were going personally. I couldn't understand why I had such conflicting emotions: one part of me was ready to jump head first into God's vision for my life, but the other part couldn't move past the pain I wrote about in the first blog post. Why did it still hurt so much?

A month later, I understand why. There is a process to this purpose thing:

- Step 1: Be receptive to God's voice. If you've read my first blog post, you'll remember that I was hearing Him loud and clear. :-) I know my purpose is related to entrepreneurship and empowering others.

- Step 2: Allow yourself to feel and then move through the negative emotions of the past. This is where I got stuck. I tried to convince myself that I was done with the pain, when in fact, I never addressed it. I was putting on the "Everything is just fine" face as a front for coworkers, friends and family. One night I decided that I had enough. I cried out to God (literally) and told Him about all my pain, frustrations, anger, and hurt. I praised Him for getting me through this far and told him to take away the pain. I was too tired to keep carrying it. I had kept so much bottled up over the past year that after at least an hour of crying, I fell asleep. I woke up feeling a little better, but some of the negativity was still there. That's when I had to move on to Step 3.

- Step 3: Forgive yourself. Though it's been hard, I made a point to pray for those who hurt me over this past year. I forgave them for the pain they caused me and even wish them well. However, I never took the time to forgive myself for the pain I caused others by dwelling in negativity...and I had done some bad things. I made work a god, neglected my family and friends, neglected my health, lost confidence in my abilities, and even lost a piece of me. As silly as it may sound, I looked myself in the mirror, apologized and forgave.

- Step 4: Get to the root of what took you off track. My revelation came as I was journaling about a completely different topic. Then in the side bar I wrote a little note, "I'm tired of letting my want of perfection drag me down!" Aha! That was it! I stopped living my life on purpose because I thought I had to be perfect. Anytime I wasn't perfect/acting like a superhero, I took it as an indication that I was letting myself and others down. Because the past year had been one imperfection after another, I started letting people define me instead of letting God define me. I let others make me feel "less than" and forgot that I am created in God's image. All my life I had been striving to be that perfect person, and while it got me far in places like school, ultimately it was tearing me apart. From that moment on, I decided to be ok with my faults. I am no longer going to hurt myself or those around me to be perfect. After making that commitment and sharing it with others, the negative emotions went away. To make sure they don't come back, I've made a plan to reframe my thinking. I also shared this with close family and friends so they can hold me accountable if they see me drifting back into those negative emotions. Now , my mind is free to think of all the ways I can bring God's purpose to life. I also thank God for learning this lesson so the test does not need to be repeated. :-)

Step 5: Take actionable steps to living your life on purpose. To bring this to fruition in my own life, I create weekly goals. Because my roadblock was perfectionism, my initial goals are purposely small. This way I will be able to achieve them, feel good about moving closer to my purpose and not get sucked back into thinking I need to be a superhero at all times.

Have you gone through this process? If so, were you able to figure out what's been holding you back all these years? Did you devise a plan so that the roadblock won't come back easily? Are you taking actionable steps toward your purpose?

Remember that you're not alone in this. I'd love to hear how you're doing and offer my support!

God Has a Sense of Humor

As part of moving toward my purpose, I am going back through some of the documents I created when I started my technology business over 5 years ago. As I read through the business plan, something funny caught my eye:

'Management Team Gaps: With our current management team and strategic alliances, we have a solid foundation for success. Right now, we are weakest in the areas of {insert my corporate America areas of expertise}. We are seeking one professional and one intern to fill these gaps.'

Ok God. I understand that you put me in this situation for a reason. Five+ years later, and I guess the management team gaps are being filled. HE is so funny. :-)

Listening to God's Purpose for Your Life

Have you ever been in a situation where everything was going great, and then out of nowhere, you get thrown a curveball? Work going well, relationship wonderful, and house in order…then BOOM…your boss writes you up for what feels like nothing, your significant other walks out and your house needs more repairs in one week than it needed in 1 year. Instead of screaming, “Lord, why me?! What did I do wrong?” think, “Lord what are You trying to tell me?” Sometimes God uses these difficult situations to shake us out of our complacency. Maybe you know the relationship you’re in isn’t the healthiest, but you don’t know how to leave; or you feel the urge to move from your current location but are scared because of the economy. You could even be like me: feeling stuck and praying for a breakthrough only to get frustrated when it happens. Let me step back a bit to help you understand…

I’ve always been an entrepreneur at heart. From the ages of 6 to 13 my friends and I had several side businesses. From selling candy to greeting cards to friendship bracelets to even bags of sugared Kool-Aid, we did it all. I wasn’t always about the business though. When I wasn’t selling, I made a point to tutor my friends, volunteer around the neighborhood and be of service where needed. This trend continued through high school and college. I tried working for a small business directly after college where the boss was a micromanager. It DID NOT work at all. I ended up quitting and went off to technical school. Yes, I already had a BA, but this place was teaching me web and graphic design skills. I also kept volunteering. Though I’d walked away from small business in college, I started back up again after the technical school program flopped. I went straight into technology consulting. I also kept my ties with the nonprofit community by writing grants and programming ideas. I loved it all, well everything except the unsteady paycheck and minimal health benefits. :-) Still, my business was gaining clients and I felt things were right.

Then I got an inkling. Actually it was more so God helping me with my next move. His message of “Go back to school” was heard loud and clear. I saw everything fall into place: money, apartment, GMAT test prep, counseling, etc. I listened, and God made it happen. I know you may be thinking, “Why get an MBA? Isn’t that for the corporate finance type folks?” Well, that’s true, but it can also be for people who realize that it’s best to learn how to run a business from people who have done it. I learned a lot, but I’ll admit I lost focus. It started as I was preparing for business school and learning where many MBA graduates went to work after graduation. No one pressured me to join corporate America, but I was exposed. J Then came the internship process between 1st and 2nd year of school. Instead of focusing on my own business, I decided to interview for a corporation. I thought, “Hmmm…why not? It can’t hurt.” Little did I know? :-) I had a great summer and fell in love with the corporation’s message, people and ideals. I thought it was unlike any of the crazy stories I’d heard of places that would suck you dry and work you to death. No, this would be different. I got invited to come back full-time and accepted the offer. Life was good: new house, new car, suburban neighborhood, good at work, good schools for the kids…heck, we even got a dog! In the midst of this “good life,” I forgot who I was. God told me to go to school so I could learn as much as I could. Then I’d take that knowledge and apply it to my own business that would help others and bring them closer to Him. That’s also why I came to corporate America. As I said, what better way to learn about running a business than by working for a million dollar one? I came in with that objective. I was even encouraged to take trainings, try new things on projects and become a better person. I still worked on my technology consulting business in the background.

Then a shift happened. People at work transitioned, and then I transitioned, too – but in a different way. I spent most of my waking hours worried about work – how could I do more, how could I show that I was smarter, how could I stay longer to convince people that my purpose was there? That I was a corporate-focused person just like them. I believe it was in that moment when God stepped in. He’d always been there, but I think stopped listening when the conversation turned toward work. He tried to throw hints of my true purpose at me – with no formal advertising I’d get technology consulting requests regularly. I’d either ignore them completely or pass the leads on to my friends. I saw a few folks leave to start businesses and didn’t even get a twinge of “Oh yeah, I should do that, too.” Instead, my mind focused on being a better employee. God tried so hard to be subtle, but I was just NOT hearing Him. Yes, I was feeling stuck and uneasy about my corporate life. Yes, I was praying for a breakthrough, but my limited focus was making me ask for ways to be a better employee, not a better employer/business owner as He revealed to me early on.

So what do you think happened next? Remember where we are in the story: Girl finds purpose. Girl loses purpose. God whispers; girl ignores. God raises His voice slightly; girl still doesn’t get the hint. I’m pretty sure you know the next step God took: He SHOUTED! I mean really let loose. He completely knocked me out of my comfort zone by using the one thing I’d gotten so comfortable with…my corporate life. In a matter of months, I went from being a growing rock star to someone who couldn’t do anything right in her boss’ eyes. I was going above and beyond, even in the minds of my coworkers, but still got no credit. I could have 10 examples of how my work was being undermined and was still told to fix it on my own. WTH(eck)! :-) Still…I didn’t fully listen. I worked harder and longer – 10+ hour days. It got to where I was so tired, I barely had enough energy to play with the kids or cook a good meal. Did it help at work? No. I got credit for nothing. In fact, performance review time rolled around, and I was told that I wasn’t making the cut.

As much as it hurt my ego to be constantly told I wasn’t performing at work (which didn’t feel entirely true), I realized that it was God’s way of getting my attention. I thought I was on the right path, but every day I was moving further and further away from my purpose. Lord, I am finally listening. You have jarred me out of my complacency in terms of Your purpose for me. The obvious next question is: so what are you going to do about it? God has spoken again. Will you listen, or go back to doing what made you feel stuck, unhappy and unfulfilled? Are you going to let the devil trick you into thinking that your plans are better than God’s plans? I know I’m not. God has already shouted. I surely don’t want an earthquake next time. :-)

Like I said, I’m in the middle of my story. I am choosing to listen to God. Now, does that mean I walked out of my corporate gig immediately or put my house up for sale with no regard for my family’s wellbeing? No, not at all. God revealed my purpose to me (or rather re-revealed) it to give me a better life. There are still a million questions running through my head like:

- How long can I stay here before I need to leave?
- What about work? A roadblock has been removed. How do I use that to God’s advantage?
- Is small business/nonprofit (enter your idea here) really my purpose?
- What about bills, family, moving?
- What will others think?
- Will it be hard?

In my life, the phrase, “1 year” keeps sticking in my mind. My kids start school next week, so moving now isn’t ideal. We also need to save money, clean the house and plan out the true next steps. I trust God to direct my path. I’m sure the next year won’t be easy, especially on my ego, but I know I’ll be better for it in the end. I can’t worry about what other people think because it won’t help. It can even make a person backtrack. I still have to guard my thoughts when it comes to my coworkers. I can’t dwell on jealous thoughts of “why not me?” because I already know the answer. It’s not me because this isn’t my purpose. Thank God for the wise counselors He put in my life to make this clearer.

Ok…the lesson has been learned. There will still be some bumps in the road, but God will help me work through them. I am ready to have balance in my life again. I am ready to have true passion for my work. I am ready for a change. Most important, I am ready to fulfill His purpose for my life. Are you? Let’s step out on faith and start the journey together!