It's Your Choice

I remember the first time I took a job just for the money.  I was a sophomore in college and thought I'd hit the jackpot - one of the highest work study jobs at the time - $11/hour!  What great role did I play on the team?  What kind of problem was I solving for this type of money?  Well...I was the official "copy girl!"  Yes, my entire job consisted of copying reports, collating them and putting them into a bin for distribution.  This was clearly in the days before emailing documents became popular.  :-)

For the 1st month, my job was good.  I'd stand or sit at the copier for 10+ hours/week, make my reports, chat to my coworkers and collect my paycheck.  After 40 hours, at least 10 copier breakdowns and more papercuts than I care to remember, I couldn't take it anymore.  I was a college student with strategic thinking skills, computer know how and a host of other talents...but no one cared.  I remember thinking I'd made a breakthrough when I showed a coworker how to fix his computer.  I surely thought someone would recognize my other talents and ask me to be more than the girl who stood by the copier all week...but no...that never happened.  People went "Wow! I didn't know you could fix computers! Did you finish copying those reports yet?"  :-|

That was the day I decided my happiness was worth more than $11/hour.  Luckily, leaving wasn't difficult.  Being a college student, I had the excuse of "my class schedule changed, so I can't work here anymore."  It was a common line, and there was always another student eager for the $11/hour paycheck.

I realize that things aren't so easy as an adult.  There is no changing class schedule excuse that can be used to end most full-time jobs.  So what do you do when you find yourself in a job situation where the only motivation is the paycheck?  How do you keep going when your management team doesn't appreciate you?  What gets you up in the morning when your daily tasks become boring?  What happens when you feel stuck.  After all, there's no finite time limit.

In those moments, you need to remember that you always have a choice.  If you've got a history with the team, coworkers you love, and even the slightest hint of company loyalty, it will be difficult to leave.  However, is a paycheck worth your sanity and self-worth?  Pray over your situation and ask God to lead you in the right direction.  Remember...it's your choice.

Day Three: What Drives Your Life?

Today's Purpose Driven Life lesson is around the driving force or forces in your life. Specifically, what is driving your life today and what you like it be in the future.  For the longest time, the driving force in my life was approval.  I still struggle with that on a regular basis and have to journal myself calm or talk to a trusted friend who can snap me back into reality.  I'd like the driving force in my life to be God's purpose.  I've decided to wake up every morning thanking God for staying with me and asking Him to use me as He sees fit.  There are many times that He is working in the background to give me an opportunity for a better life or even placing me in someone's path to be a blessing.  However, I'll never get that if I allow the devil to steal my joy or make me concerned with pleasing people vs. God.

Rick Warren had a few lines under Day 3 that addressed this - "It is impossible to do everything people want you to do. You have just enough time to do God's will.  If you can't get it all done, it means you're trying to do more than God intended for you to do."  I've had days like that, very recently, where I couldn't get anything done that I thought was important for the day.  Everytime I started, there'd be a distraction or the hardware wouldn't work or I'd get sick or something.  However, nothing negative happened when I did what God wanted - reading a book or the Bible (which brings me closer to Him), spending time with the children, working on my business, blogging here.  In fact, I was able to focus more on the "worldly work" related to my day job and get it done quicker once I let God have his way first. Things that normally would take 5 hours only took 1.5 hours.  I love simplicity God brings, and I need more of that in my life.  Instead of trying to be all things to all people, I will live each day asking God to direct my path and use me how He sees fit. When I've done that in the past, things just worked out...things that I thought were impossible became possible.

I am ready to change my driving force.  Is there something you need to change, start or stop?  Let God be the miracle worker that He is.  Even if you can't change it, He can.

I'm Scared

For the past couple of weeks, it feels like God has strengthened the desire in me to start my own business. It's to the point where roadblocks go up when I try to work on my day job - yesterday's computer issues are a good example. Rather than leave and run to the nearest "work from home" connection, I did some personal development work. My head is unfocused on the day job than I imagined.

It scares me because I know that starting and running a business again will take a a lot of time, effort and money. I also know that my day job is making me unhappy. However, what I don't know is when to make that leap of faith. I first thought I heard "one year" as the time frame, but now January seems more likely - new year and new business. That's how I started over 5 years ago.

I've found myself going through what I call the "Yes, but" syndrome. Instead of pressing forward, there are excuses like -

"Yes, I could quit tomorrow, but then what about the house, car and utilities? What about money?" or "Yes, but what if I get no clients and have to take a lower paying job in the interim...and can't find one?" or even, "Yes, but I don't have a new computer or the right software or am scared to market my business while I still have my day job." These are all valid concerns, but they are excuses. God ALWAYS provides, especially when you are following His will for your life. He will open doors and windows that you didn't even know existed. You have to step out on faith.

The fact that I'm scared is almost funny to me as I'm not new to starting a business on a shoestring budget. My 1st full-time business was started in my family's house with the computer software I owned at the time. I couldn't afford a formal business telephone line, so I invested less than $20 a month on voicemail. All business cards and logos were created by me, and I spent hours perfecting my web site. Still...I didn't get my first client until 6 months after I'd officially opened my doors. From that day forward, inquiries came on a regular basis, and the work was steady. I stepped out on faith, and God made it happen.

Still...it's hard. I've been meditating on this verse lately - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to remember what God has given us...and it's not fear. Stepping out on faith is important. I know my purpose and the desires that He placed on my heart. I need to trust that God has my back like He always does. Even if I'm not ready to hand in my resignation letter on Monday, I can make steps this weekend and everyday to making full-time entrepreneurship a reality.

So...I'm scared, but I won't let that paralyze me. I'm scared, but I won't let that hold me back from hearing God's voice. I'm scared, but I will take little steps towards my purpose until God tells me it's time to take a big one.

So what are you scared of? What do you need to trust God for? What goals do you have that only God's miracles can make happen? Don't let fear keep you from your purpose.

Day 2: You Are Not an Accident

Day 2 of The Purpose Driven Life talks about how we're not an accident. God created us and had plans for us before we were even born. How amazing is that! Still, at times we struggle with who God made us to be. I know I've struggled with some things. Perfectionism is something I spoke about earlier in the blog, and I've also struggled with my personal appearance. I've been trying to lose weight for years and have often started a program and stopped in the middle. Rather than feeling bad about who I am, I can instead accept it. Yes, there are some things I'd like to change, but how about praying and letting go rather than stressing out?

God made you, too. What are some things you're struggling to accept in your own life?

It's Been One of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks or months when nothing seemed to be going right? I feel like I've been going through "the crazy" for almost the entire month of September. From being sick on/off for weeks to the children running through the house like they have no manners to my computer crashing right before a deadline, it has been difficult. I've been going from, "How am I EVER going to get this done?" panic to "Calm down, God's got you" relief in a matter of hours. This is not a good way to live.

In the midst of life's woes, I have to remember that God is always in control. Anything that appears insurmountable to me is nothing when compared to God's strength, "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" (Jeremiah 32:27 NIV)

Today I'm going to focus on that scripture and stop stressing out. Can you do the same? Look at what you thought was negative and focus on how you can turn it around for God's good. I'll take my day today and try to reframe:

- I'm still sick - God has a great purpose for me that I can't achieve unless I'm healthy. He is giving me this time to rest and recuperate, not to keep working.

- Deadlines are looming, and my computer is acting up - Like before, maybe it's time to turn off the computer and relax. Spend time with the family, and focus on work once I've calmed down.

- The kids are driving me crazy - Be grateful for the little ones in my life. There are so many men and women who pray for healthy children and don't have them. I give God thanks for my little speed demons, even when they tear through the house knocking down everything in their path.

Ok...I feel better. I think I'll head home soon to follow my own advice. What about you?

The Purpose Driven Life Journey

As part of the journey to get back to my purpose, I am going to pick up a book that I've started and stopped at least a 2 or 3 times - Pastor Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life." This book takes you on a 40 day journey to discovering your purpose. To keep me accountable, I will journal my thoughts on the chapters here. Feel free to pick up the book and post about your journey as well.

Day 1: It All Starts with God
There's a very good quote on page 19, "...being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue! You could reach all your personal goals...and still miss the purposes for which God created you." This struck home for me because I struggled for a good year over why I was unhappy when I had so many things - house, car, job, etc. Though I was successful by the world's standards, it did not feel like enough. Now I see why.

In this chaotic world of "me! me! me!" I can remind myself that life is really about living for God and not myself by paying attention to God's voice all around me. Rather than listen to what I want and what other people want for me, I can instead strive to do what He wants. I feel like I get this message now, but if you asked me a year ago...

So...God has a purpose for us, and that's very encouraging. I'm excited to continue on this path to fully embracing all He has for me.

The Process to Purpose

It's been at least a month since I first wrote about rediscovering God's purpose for my life. You can tell from my post that I was excited to start living in it, but I didn't do that right away. Despite this big revelation from God, I was still stuck in feeling bad about my work situation and even how some things were going personally. I couldn't understand why I had such conflicting emotions: one part of me was ready to jump head first into God's vision for my life, but the other part couldn't move past the pain I wrote about in the first blog post. Why did it still hurt so much?

A month later, I understand why. There is a process to this purpose thing:

- Step 1: Be receptive to God's voice. If you've read my first blog post, you'll remember that I was hearing Him loud and clear. :-) I know my purpose is related to entrepreneurship and empowering others.

- Step 2: Allow yourself to feel and then move through the negative emotions of the past. This is where I got stuck. I tried to convince myself that I was done with the pain, when in fact, I never addressed it. I was putting on the "Everything is just fine" face as a front for coworkers, friends and family. One night I decided that I had enough. I cried out to God (literally) and told Him about all my pain, frustrations, anger, and hurt. I praised Him for getting me through this far and told him to take away the pain. I was too tired to keep carrying it. I had kept so much bottled up over the past year that after at least an hour of crying, I fell asleep. I woke up feeling a little better, but some of the negativity was still there. That's when I had to move on to Step 3.

- Step 3: Forgive yourself. Though it's been hard, I made a point to pray for those who hurt me over this past year. I forgave them for the pain they caused me and even wish them well. However, I never took the time to forgive myself for the pain I caused others by dwelling in negativity...and I had done some bad things. I made work a god, neglected my family and friends, neglected my health, lost confidence in my abilities, and even lost a piece of me. As silly as it may sound, I looked myself in the mirror, apologized and forgave.

- Step 4: Get to the root of what took you off track. My revelation came as I was journaling about a completely different topic. Then in the side bar I wrote a little note, "I'm tired of letting my want of perfection drag me down!" Aha! That was it! I stopped living my life on purpose because I thought I had to be perfect. Anytime I wasn't perfect/acting like a superhero, I took it as an indication that I was letting myself and others down. Because the past year had been one imperfection after another, I started letting people define me instead of letting God define me. I let others make me feel "less than" and forgot that I am created in God's image. All my life I had been striving to be that perfect person, and while it got me far in places like school, ultimately it was tearing me apart. From that moment on, I decided to be ok with my faults. I am no longer going to hurt myself or those around me to be perfect. After making that commitment and sharing it with others, the negative emotions went away. To make sure they don't come back, I've made a plan to reframe my thinking. I also shared this with close family and friends so they can hold me accountable if they see me drifting back into those negative emotions. Now , my mind is free to think of all the ways I can bring God's purpose to life. I also thank God for learning this lesson so the test does not need to be repeated. :-)

Step 5: Take actionable steps to living your life on purpose. To bring this to fruition in my own life, I create weekly goals. Because my roadblock was perfectionism, my initial goals are purposely small. This way I will be able to achieve them, feel good about moving closer to my purpose and not get sucked back into thinking I need to be a superhero at all times.

Have you gone through this process? If so, were you able to figure out what's been holding you back all these years? Did you devise a plan so that the roadblock won't come back easily? Are you taking actionable steps toward your purpose?

Remember that you're not alone in this. I'd love to hear how you're doing and offer my support!